


the gays + hermione

by 2jins



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Harry Potter, Bisexual Ron Weasley, Crack, Crack Fic, Gay Draco Malfoy, Group chat, Lesbian Pansy Parkinson, Modern Day, Texting, draco and harry stan dan and phil lol, groupchat, literally just make the characters like me, only texting, pan blaise zabini, pansy makes them all loona stans lol, pansy’s gf comes in later, ron stans ldshadowlady, yeah basically just things i stan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26710414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2jins/pseuds/2jins
Summary: hermione added harry, ron, pansy, draco, and blaise to a grouphermione: hey, when should our next study group be?ron: shut up im watching shadowcraftdraco: what the fuck is shadowcraft
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Pansy Parkinson & Ron Weasley, Pansy Parkinson/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

hermione added harry, ron, pansy, draco, and blaise to a group

hermione: hey, when should our next study group be?

ron: shut up im watching shadowcraft

draco: what the fuck is shadowcraft

ron: you don't watch ldshadowlady?!?

pansy: omg i love lizzie

ron: really??

pansy: she was my gay awakening 

blaise: omg hello the gays and hermione

blaise named the group: the gays + hermione 

draco: oh my god ur so right

harry: DRACO GET OFF YOUR PHONE WE ARE ON A DATE

harry: DAB AND EVAN JUST KISSED

draco: im sitting right next to you...

hermione: who are dab and evan?

draco: we are having a dan and phil games sims 4 marathon

pansy: thats what you call a date?

hermione: who are dan and phil?

harry: sorry ur just single

harry: and HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW DAN AND PHIL

harry: best friends, companions through life, like actual soulmates. 

draco: fucking phannies 🙄

blaise: fucking WHAT ??

draco: sigh

draco: dan and phil stans 

hermione: no one has answered my first question. which is the reason i made this chat.

ron: i am GRIEVING 

hermione: what? what happened??

ron: steve died :'(

blaise: steve who??

ron: lizzie's pet.

hermione: aw im sorry

pansy: steve is lizzies pet scorpion in minecraft

hermione: oh

ron: PANSY YOU ARENT UPSET??

pansy: no my ldshadowlady phase is over

ron: WHAT THIS IS NOT A PHASE TO ME

pansy: lmao okay

hermione: ron, you are being dramatic.

ron: DRAMATIC? GOODBYE.

ron: NO NOT GOOD 

ron: BADBYE.


	2. Chapter 2

the gays + hermione

draco: harry

draco: answer my texts 

draco: i miss youu

harry: im reading love

pansy: can you stop being so gay for a second

harry: i thought the lesbian said somethin

hermione: you're reading?? finally.

draco: harry, dan and phil phanfiction doesn't count as reading bb

harry: you act like you don't read parent!phan every night 

draco: that was a SECRET

harry: oops

pansy: this is a groupchat go be annoying somewhere else

hermione: let them be pansy. i think it's cute.

blaise: and i thought the het said somethin

ron: im gonna have to agree with pansy on this one

draco: and i thought the het said somethin

ron: im bi wtf

draco: well you act like a het

ron: what?? how do i act like a het??

draco: you say stupid shit

harry: shut up b words im trying to read

draco: b words?

harry: bitch?

draco: why tf you said b word then

harry: i like saying b word idk??

draco: ur an idiot

ron: no he's not your just being a b word

hermione: you're*

ron: shut up hermy

hermione: hermy??

hermione: don't call me that ever again.

ron: okay babe

pansy: NOT BABE BYE

draco: THATS THE STRAIGHTEST PET NAME BYE—

ron: bitch??

draco: yeah thats better

ron: no thats not what i meant

blaise: i think babe is cute

blaise: and im pan

pansy: no babe is so gross i—

ron: thanks blaise

draco: bye im leaving this conversation

harry: where you going?? to read the fanfic you were telling me about last night??

draco: HARRY

blaise: YOU GUYS TALK ABOUT FANFICTION TOGETHER??

draco: ...

harry: couples who talk about fanfiction together, stay together xx <3

blaise: NOT THE XX <3 IMLAUGIJNWWHWSBWJWB

draco: this is embarrassing 

harry: nothing to be embarrassed about baby

draco: i will break up with you right now

harry: no you love me

draco: bye


	3. Chapter 3

the gays + hermione

ron: GUYS

ron: i have a really important question.

harry: what?

hermione: what?

ron: orange juice or apple juice

draco: apple juice

blaise: apple juice

hermione: apple juice

harry: orange juice

ron: the correct answer is obviously orange juice.

draco: WTF??

draco: HARRY??

draco: HOW CAN YOU BE MY BOYFRIEND

harry: im sorry your opinion is wrong.

blaise: it's not an opnion. its a fact.

ron: yeah A FALSE FACT

pansy: orange juice is superior 

draco: YOU TOO??

draco: AND TO THINK YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND

pansy: sorry orange juice is better

blaise: sorry we dont drink battery acid

hermione: you've tasted battery acid?

blaise: no but still

ron: TAKE THAT BACK

blaise: no

hermione: why are you guys fighting over juice flavors?

ron: BECAUSE THIS IS SERIOUS HERMIONE

hermione: goodbye.

ron: ORANGE JUICE 

ron: AND

ron: MAC AND CHEESE

ron: creaming at the thought

pansy: NOT CREAMING— HVSJWGBSW

harry: omg yes

harry: orange juice 🤝 mac and cheese  
best meal

blaise: hold up

blaise: did he just say creaming i—

draco: but apple juice is still better

ron: stop being b words and just admit you are WRONG

draco: omg ron

draco: i started watching ldshadowlady 

ron: OMG??/:@;$:&:$:.!.&

ron: WHATD YOU WATCH

draco: a bunch of different videos

draco: lizzie and joel the only hets ever

ron: so true

hermione: HEY

draco: i wish she still made kitty powers matchmaker videos

ron: omg yes thats one of my faves

ron: we should have an ldshadowlady marathon 

draco: yes

harry: HOLD ON

harry: DRACO

harry: ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME

draco: its not like that :(

harry: DID OUR SIMS 4 MARATHON MEAN NOTHING TO YOU

draco: NO IT MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME 

harry: I CANT DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW

draco: NO HARRY

draco: COME BACK

draco: IM SORRY

harry: :(

draco: YOU CAN JOIN US 

harry: :)

ron: dude

harry: DudE

ron: this was me and draco bonding time

harry: tHis WaS mE aNd DrAcO BoNdiNG TiMe 

ron: i dont want to third wheel

harry: i dONt WaNt To ThiRD wHeEl

ron: stop

harry: sToP

ron: bye

harry: just make hermione join us

hermione: no

harry: please :( 

hermione: no thanks

ron: please :(

hermione: fine.

harry: you listen to him and not me.

harry: i see how it is.

hermione: please we all know ron is the simp in this relationship

ron: HEY

blaise: she didn’t lie 

pansy: she didn’t lie

ron: HEY 

draco: its okay ron.

draco: its okay to be a simp.

harry: yeah cause ur the simp in this relationship.

draco: no u

harry: no u

pansy: draco, you are definitely the simp.

hermione: harry, you are definitely the simp.

draco: okay i think we’re ALL a simp.

blaise: that meme is so old i—

draco: it’s still funny

blaise: ariana doesn’t like it

draco: sorry you are a simp for ariana grande

blaise: i am not a simp wtf

hermione: sigh

pansy: ah shit here we go again


	4. Chapter 4

blaise: hey bitches

blaise: im bored

harry: IM OBSESSED 

harry: WITH LDSHADOWLADY 

draco: SAME

hermione: shes cool

ron: COOL??

harry: SHES BRILLIANT 

ron: HERMIONE YOU HAVE NO TASTE

hermione: what? how?

ron: idk?? ur fave singer is ed sheeran for starters.

blaise: NOT ED SHEERAN SJSBSJWHW

hermione: what's wrong with ed?

draco: he’s way too straight

harry: OH MY GOD

harry: DRACO

draco: WHAT

harry: [picture of dan and phil and ldshadowlady]

harry: IM CRYING

draco: OH FUCK??

pansy: aw i remember when that happened

ron: shut up we get it you were an og stan

pansy: i—

ron: anygays

ron: so is lizzie your favorite youtuber

draco: no

harry: no 

draco: dan and phil are better

harry: dan and phil are better

harry: omg we said the same thing

draco: just soulmate things <3

ron: WTF

ron: FIRST OF ALL

ron: DAN AND PHIL ARENT BETTER

ron: SECOND OF ALL

ron: YOU TOLD ME I WAS YOUR SOULMATE HARRY

harry: ...

ron: :(

harry: platonic soulmate

harry: draco is my romantic soulmate

ron: WHAT THE FUCK MATE

ron: YOU CAN ONLY HAVE ONE SOULMATE

harry: no 

harry: i can have as many as i want

draco: that’s not how it works 

harry: draco dont be jealous

draco: IM NOT JEALOUS WTF

ron: im the only soulmate harry has

harry: theres enough of me to go around xx

ron: no 

hermione: ron u can be my soulmate

ron: yeah yeah whatever

harry: yay so we got that settled 

ron: BITCH??

ron: NO WE DONT 

ron: JUST BECAUSE HERMIONE SAID IM HER SOULMATE DOESNT MEAN YOU ARE NOT MINE HARRY

harry: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IM SAYING WITH DRACO

ron: bitch no

ron: hermione isnt my soulmate

ron: idk why she just said that 

harry: ...

ron: it was a misunderstanding 

pansy: stfu

blaise: stfu

harry: i want to dye my hair pink now

hermione: why? 

blaise: where’d that come from 

harry: lizzie’s influence

harry: i’ve never dyed my hair

harry: and now i want to dye it pink

harry: because of ldshadowlady 

ron: kinda same 

harry: omg lets dye our hair together

draco: zont zo it

ron: WHY NOT

draco: you’ll look ridiculous 

harry: bet

hermione: how do i put up with you two


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry dyes his hair and they stan loona

harry: just did a baaaaAaad thing

harry: except, its not bad ITS BRILLIANT 

blaise: what is it this time

blaise: wait let me guess

draco: his hair is fucking pink

hermione: what about ron?

harry: he is a pussy

ron: I AM NOT

ron: i just changed my mind 

harry: mmhm

draco: he didnt want to look stupid laugh out louf

harry: louf

draco: shut up bitch

harry: you love my new look asf

harry: you said i looked pretty

harry: and kissed me

draco: i did no such thing 

harry: on the cheek

ron: somebody give him a Tish

hermione: a what now?

pansy: hey y'all 

pansy: stream why not by loona <33

hermione: who is loona?

pansy: best girls

ron: omg you stan loona??/?/@-?2@22)28?/

pansy: YES

ron: i just started stanning like a week ago

pansy: who's your bias

ron: heejin my #1

pansy: mine is chuu

harry: omg pansy this songs slaps

draco: agreed

harry: not as good as hot line bling

draco: disagreed 

blaise: we get it harry, hotline bling is your favorite song 😐

pansy: lmao since when? 

harry: ever since i left the city

pansy: i should've saw that coming.

draco: you set yourself Up for that one

-

hermione: I LOVE THEM 

pansy: may i ask who?

hermione: loona, ive been binge watching their youtube videos ever since you mentioned them. 

harry: draco and i have been doing that too omg twins

blaise: i have been doing the same double twins

draco: no that's not it

hermione: you mean, quadruplets.

blaise: qua what

harry: anyways

harry: i stan gowon asf

draco: i think kim lip is my bias

harry: i like them too but i like gowon the most

harry: wish they gave her more screentime

ron: so valid 

blaise: idk who my bias is yet i like them all 

ron: Ok

ron: lets talk about Heejin

harry: no sorry,,

harry: draco and i are busy with this marathon

hermione: ron

hermione: you should watch with me too

ron: bet

draco: bitches wanna be us so bad 🙄


	6. Chapter 6

[draco and harry]

harry: come over 

draco: On my way! ;)

[the gays + hermione]

pansy: has anyone seen draco

ron: no 

hermione: i think he's with harry

hermione: doing things

pansy: Oh

ron: what?

blaise: fucking

ron: OH 

ron: EW

hermione: you are one to talk

draco: why are yall spamming

draco: YALL WE ARE WATCHING DAN AND PHILS NEW VIDEO....

ron: gay?

draco: no thats gross

harry: DAN AND PHIL NEW VIDEO AFTER TWO YEARS

blaise: damn it's been that long?

blaise: how do yall still stan

draco: it's called being loyal bitch

ron: ikr unlike someone i know 👀

pansy: why do i feel like this is directed at me

ron: because it is :/

ron: when you said shadow cadet for life i guess it was all a lie 

pansy: i have never said that in my life.

ron: no need to get political :/

harry: anyways.... Dan and Phil

draco: yeah what he said

ron: ... i think vivi bias wrecked me guys 🥴

blaise: can't relate stan ot12

pansy: ron weren't you just talking about being loyal...

ron: SHUT UP

pansy: it's the orange hair isn't it

ron: well 🥴

pansy: ...

blaise: im sorry if you don't stan loona and you're reading this 

draco: what are you on about?

harry: who are you talking to?

blaise: god

draco: i see

pansy: that im icy

ron: but... god is jeon heejin..

blaise: you may have a point

harry: did anyone hear me i said Dan and Phil

draco: i hear you honey cheeks ❤️❤️

harry: ❤️❤️😘

ron: i cannot see

hermione: guys shut up. im trying to sleep.

ron: buzzkill

hermione: why are you even up. it's 4 am.

ron: because we're cool 

harry: why are you up??

hermione: ... because you wont shut up.

harry: you may have a point..

hermione: GOODNIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it was short... i am thinking of adding blaise/neville and remus/sirius hmmmm


End file.
